1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.
3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!
4. Whistle the first seven notes of It's a Small World incessantly.
5. Sell Girl Scout cookies.
6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
7. Shave.
8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: Got enough air in there?
9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: Noogie patrol coming!
13. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
14. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go plink at the bottom.
15. Do Tai Chi exercises.
16. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: I've got new socks on!
17. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!
18. Give religious tracts to each passenger.
19. Meow occassionally.
20. Keep bumping into the "Door Open" button when the doors begin to close.
21. (If a glass elevator) Scream in torture staring at the people outside with your face pressed against the glass.
22. Jump up and down consistently.
23. When a person tries to push a button, smack their hand giving them an angry look, and press it for them.
24. Press the "Emergency" button.
25. Twitch and stutter your words.
26. When the doors open, scream at the onboarding passengers.
27. Unsuccessfully keep tying your shoelaces and bump yourself into people as much as you can.
28. (If elevator is equipped with music) Start silently humming the song, then gradually break into a broadway show.
29. Press all buttons before leaving the elevator.
30. Ask people they would like to pose in your "website".
© Copyright 2001 Paul Yoon inc.